I feel like I spend a lot of my online life apologizing, and usually for exactly what I’m about to apologize for yet again – absence. It’s interesting to go through one’s day full of things that I want to share with my friends and fans, and then find weeks passing before I’m able to actually sit down and put those thoughts to the page. It’s stranger still to look back at my calendar and realize that I’ve gone for months now without a single public performance.
This time last year, I was racking up the shows left and right on a college tour. What the hell happened?
Well folks, first off, I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. There, that’s done.
But I’d like to share some things with you all, in support of my apology, and probably as fodder for the tabloids should my music ever make me famous. But if you’re reading my blog it’s probably because you’ve invested something of yourself – time, money, emotion, etc – in my music, and you deserve the story. So a few things:
1) I am currently working full-time in an office job again. With my desire to get back into the studio, I needed a stable way to pay for said studio time (as well as those pesky bills that keep showing up every month), so I spent the majority of the summer immersed in resume revision and job application. It’s amazing how difficult it is to find a job in the current market…or maybe just for me. I wanted something that would challenge me intellectually and pay well enough to keep me from stressing over finances, and as it turned out, that was harder to achieve than it sounded. But thankfully, I’m set now, and can concentrate on that recording I’ve been wanting to do since…well, since I released my last album in 2006.
2) I am actually making concrete plans to record, finally! In spite of this being the major goal for these past few years, it’s taken a long time to be happy with the songs I wanted to put out next, and the method for doing so. I’ve got a meeting this weekend to discuss recording with some guys I like and trust, and if all goes well, I’ll be in the studio in a few weeks. I’m really excited about the new music – some of it is stuff you’ve all heard on the road and on the DIY Rockstar EP I’ve been selling at shows, but some of it is brand new and really embodies the changes that have been going on in my life. As always, the majority of my music is autobiographical, but I have a feeling that in the current state of disarray we’re all enduring with the economy and the election and the crappy job market, these new songs will hit home for some of you as well. I’ll be keeping you posted on the recording plans.
3) I am not perfect. Yeah, I know that’s a pretty silly thing to say, but it leads to something I haven’t put out there before and, maybe, shouldn’t be putting out there even now – but I’m going to do it anyway. I suffer from depression, not the occasional doldrums or the frustration with various episodes in my life but the real kind with a DSM-IV diagnosis and a constant impact on my life and my ability to function like a normal adult. It’s pretty obvious in some of my music, and many of you may be reading this and thinking, “Duh – who didn’t know that?” But if you weren’t already aware of it, there you go. It’s not an excuse, and yet it is my only excuse for such long absences as the one I’m coming out of now. There are simply days – and unfortunately, also weeks and months – where I have nothing to share with the world and can barely motivate myself to take my dog outside.
But there are also days – and lots of them – where I am excited and inspired and loving the life that is mine. So I don’t intend to spew all the downward spirals that possess me out into this space – I’m a little self-absorbed but that’s the bonus of being a singer/songwriter and I don’t intend to overextend my freedom in that arena. Just know that these extended absences are not a sign of my departure from my music, and I always come back.
That’s the same thing I tell my puggle when I come home from work. “I always come back.” She’s starting to believe me now. 
